so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize