my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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