you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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