It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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