hell yes lets make some ravioli
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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