so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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