Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
