The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
