Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
