He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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