so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
