first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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