we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
