I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
my shit smells like andre
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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