I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
