I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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