I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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