JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
