I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
