No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
