how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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