at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
