it wasn't lemon gatorade
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
