oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
