why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
