so explain again why im purple
no
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
