I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
