Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
