This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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