shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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