Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
What a dumb baby whore.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
