i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
