Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
