that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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