Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Dicks are not precious.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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