i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My vagina just recognized that song.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
