if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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