you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize