So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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