You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Me too!
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
