The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He passed out mid-signature
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
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