it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
