I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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