He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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