i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
