if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
