I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
