That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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