I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The air was thick with penises
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
