my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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