Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
