I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
