Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
