Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
