You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
