Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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