the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize