But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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