Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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