who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
