We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
