I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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