Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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