he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
