i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
