My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
