No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
