Im at strip club and am horny
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
