i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
