Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
