My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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