if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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