at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
