What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I think pants incapable of making pants work
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
