Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
