she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
